to the middle of nowhere and back.

I feel this insatiable feeling when I'm with you. 

I know we've moved forward,

and you're married now.

But don't tell me you don't feel it too.

The need to touch, and dance around each other..

We spoke today for almost 2 hours.

Or rather you talked for two hours,

while I listened and you drove us

to the middle of nowhere and back.

I am not so different than I used to be,

Am I? 

I still sit quietly in the passenger seat.

Maybe I sing along to a song, 

but I don't share how I'm doing or feeling.

No, I learned not to do that.

How silly it seems, you did just that with me today

and I couldn't.

Will I be able to be as content as you seem?

There were so many months

wasted,

crying over you.

Now here I am,

sitting in your truck listening to you.

Worrying about your wife.

But I listen deeply,

and you're just covering your own ass.

Making sure you're not to blame.

Now I remember why I stopped crying.

And still, I persue.

I made a fire today.

Maybe it is my weird way of hoping.

Like in a way, it would beckon you to where I am.

But instead I am here alone burning wood,

in what used to be our little Spot.

So it seems we have all grown up.

Gotten jobs, found new partners..

Only seeing each other in passing.

Instead of vodka and cranberry juice,

I am eating candy and drinking tea.

If only you could see me now..

It's as though I'm still chasing ghosts,

except I know it this time.

And still, I persue.

so I hung you up in my bathroom

I think of you everyday. 

Well, almost everyday..

I wonder how you think now.

What is your favorite music?

Do you still play the video games you did

when you lived with me?

Do you like being a big sister?

How is school? Do you like your classmates?

I notice you are wearing makeup now..

Do you still dress the way I taught you?

Are you thoughtful of how you treat other people?

Who is your best friend now?

Do you miss Jack and how he snuggled with you

at bedtime?

I have your face in my wallet,

three times to be exact.

I found a picture of you when I was cleaning,

so I hung you up in my bathroom on the mirror.

Do you think of me, too?

I miss you. 

I know I messed up,

things with me weren't going so well..

But I'm doing better now.

I wish I could show you my new car,

so you could revel in the cleanliness

and help me sticker it like we used to.

I love you, Isabella. 

You will always have a place in my home.

Porcelain and dust

I often times think, and wonder if I messed up.

Was I the one to give things a bitter taste first?

Or did I notice your tart behavior,

and begin to be a lemon myself?

Although it was almost 3 years of my life,

it seemed to happen so fast.

I think of you a lot these days..

How do I know what to do next?

My heart is cracked, and seemingly

bits of me have chipped.

Porcelain and dust,

blowing wherever the wind may take me.

Pieces of me stay wedged inside cracks of you,

while other shards lay on the open ground.

Like a spent bomb after colliding with a figurine,

a hazard to those who walk on bare feet.

Are you the same?